As I grow older, the more I realize there’s more I don’t really know about myself. Revelations come one at a time and, sometimes, at the most compromising situations. At times, it requires a strong sense of self-restraint to hide the sense of surprise as the truth hits me.

Confession no. 1: I’m a softy at heart.
Ever since I’ve gained consciousness, I’ve always thought of myself as a tough girl. Not much could bother me. I’ve once stared at an accident victim whose brains were being scooped up into a plastic bag. I can still remember the distinct smell of blood and brains. But it didn’t even bother my stomach. As for emotions, I used to wonder how actors/actresses can summon tears at a moment’s notice. I could think of the worst and tragic scenes but my tear ducts wouldn’t even flinch. I remember being amazed by my college classmate at how he (yes, it’s a real guy) could shed tears as I asked him if he could cry.

But yesterday, as I was visited by one of my students who came to apologize for unbecoming behavior in class, I realized I’ve got unreasonable emotions, the kind that could probably earn me the nickname “cry baby.” She had begun explaining what moved her to do what she did and her voice was cracking. I looked in her eyes and sure enough, tears were welling up. All of a sudden, it was as if something was summoning up my own tears. I had to stop her before I started bawling right then and there.

Confession no. 2: I can’t hold grudges (even if I want to).
This could be good…or bad. Remember the saying “forgive and forget?” It’s not necessarily right all the time. I mean, mistakes are part of the learning process. If someone has offended you, it’s good to forgive. But to forget that he/she has done that to you would mean you didn’t learn a thing.

Confession no. 3: I actually like Pop Songs
Darn it! I’m thirty years old and I can’t believe I’ve begun to like pop songs. You see, when I was younger, pop songs were acceptable. As I got into high school, I had gotten into the whole punk/rock emo thing, songs with deeper meaning. I used to laugh at a friend who thought the Backstreet Boys were heaven sent — and that friend was a guy. But recently, I’ve found myself tapping my foot to “Nobody.” Hell, now I’ve even downloaded it as my message alert tone. Aside from that deadly song (yes, there has been a reported casualty: one person killed because he sang that song), Lady Gaga’s songs have also found their way into my Ipod. God help me.

The list does not end here. Self-discovery goes on.