Signs

The universe works in mysterious ways.

The other day, I was expectedly sad and blue because of the doctor’s advice. According to her, I had to seek other medical procedures as the normal way of “doing things” looked out of the question for me. This only bolstered my suspicion that I’m a freak. It shouldn’t have affected me anymore. As I said, I’ve already known somehow that I wasn’t “normal.” But to actually have my suspicion, nay, fear, confirmed by a doctor, was like damnation. If the doctor herself knows that there’s no other hope for me, I might as well be doomed.

Anyway, so there I was in the office. I’ve just heard the almost-devastating news (it’s probably not the worst news in the world) and I suddenly feel like bawling like a baby. But I couldn’t, at least, not in front of my staff. I decided to vent my feelings by posting a shout out over at my facebook account. About five minutes later, I checked my account and a message was already waiting for me. A friend, who had probably read my cry of despair, told me that she was sending me something to help me with my problem. It took me all I had to stop from crying. Tears had sprung up and I was pouting very hard to keep my chin from trembling. I could only hope nobody noticed as I wiped away a tear that had escaped.

What really touched me about the whole thing was that the person who sent me that message (and the package) wasn’t really somebody I’d consider a very close friend. We may have shared experiences but I’m sure I wouldn’t be the first person to come to her mind if the word “friend” were mentioned. And that’s just it. Despite the kind of friendship we had, she was the first person to console me in my time of need. The unexpectedness of it all caught me by surprise.

And then, there’s the thing she sent me. The week before, it had already been mentioned to me by another person. She said that this might help me in my quest for “happiness.”

About a couple of days later, I had dinner with some relatives. It was supposed to be another night filled with elderly people catching up and gossiping in their elderly ways. But the couple who sat with us at the table told of a true to life miracle. Their daughter had previously suffered a miscarriage because of a thyroid condition. She was told that she could not conceive until her medical condition had been treated. And so, she did not expect to be pregnant soon. But it wasn’t so long before her mother had noticed changes in her and thought she might be pregnant. She (the daughter) had bought several home pregnancy tests, all of which had shown a negative result. But her mother insisted. You’re pregnant, the mother said. So the daughter went to the doctor and sure enough, she was three months pregnant. Her doctors could not explain how or why this had happened. Whereupon, my own mother-in-law piped, “It’s a miracle.” As I sat there, I couldn’t help but think, there’s something in this conversation that’s meant for me.

I only got the message when I got home. There are somethings that defy science. All you really need is a strong faith, unfailing hope and consistent prayer.

 

9.17.09: Note to self

 

The good ones always go first

It’s a sad news that greeted me this morning as I checked my yahoo homepage. Patrick Swayze has died at the young age of 57 due to pancreatic cancer. Somehow, this news has affected me more than the death of Michael Jackson. For what reason, I don’t really know.

As far as I can remember, the earliest I’ve seen of Patrick Swayze was from the series North and South. I was forced to watch it as my father borrowed dozens (and I mean, literally, dozens) of betamax tapes (’80’s flashback!) from the neighborhood video rental. It was a story of the  U.S. civil war (I think) and my father was predictably hooked. Almost every weekend afternoon was spent in front of the tv, munching on chips and drinking iced tea while watching canons go off. I was still young back then and I couldn’t really understand the plot. But the one thing that kept me watching was Patrick Swayze. He was just darned good looking, the kind you wanted to take home to meet your parents., even as he shows a hidden tendency to become the bad boy you’ve dreamed of taming. I remember asking my father if Patrick really walked with a cane in real life or if it was just his character. I can’t remember now my father’s answer, or even how the story ended. But I do remember Patrick Swayze.

Of course, to the masses, Patrick Swayze is more popularly known as the sexy dance instructor in Dirty Dancing. But, of course, at the time that movie was shown, my parents forbade me from even uttering the title for fear that it might instill dirty thoughts in me (hah!). It was only later on that I had the chance to see it and learn that he can really dance. It wasn’t the kind where actors where taught how to dance so it could be part of the film. Patrick’s moves were graceful and natural. Not to mention that he had a wonderful voice to match his moves.

And then there was the movie Ghost, very controversial back then. I remember it was shown as an R18 movie and I was still below 18. My mother and I wanted so badly to see it that she told me, if I was asked at the cinema entrance about my age, I was to tell I was 18 (even though I was only somewhere 14 to 15 years old). You can tell the movie is good when your own parent teaches you to lie. In any case, I was tall for my age. Nobody at the cinema entrance even bothered to ask me anything. As we watched, I could understand the R18 rating for the movie but what really struck me was the love story that defied death. And Patrick was just the right actor for the role.

Now, Patrick’s really dead. I wonder if he’s still haunting the streets looking for ways to contact the wife he left behind and to tell her he loves her. Patrick Swayze will certainly be missed. But, at least, now, he’s some place else where cancer can’t hurt him. There, he can keep on dancing.

 

Chris Farley chippendales original skit

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze.
(*Thanks to MAZLABEL4 for uploading this video.)

 

Commitment problems

As should have been obvious to the casual observer, I have some problems about commitment.

First of all, since the start of this blogging attempt, I haven’t really been consistent with writing articles every week or even every month, at the least. Sometimes, the blogging bug hits me and I write two or three articles in just one sitting. On some days, I couldn’t even be bothered to lift a finger and open the laptop. In truth, it all depends upon the mood.

Secondly, I think I’ve been quite vocal about being non-committal, of course, only to an extent. In my article “Cheating is all in the mind,” I’ve narrated how I’ve had a semi-emotional affair with another while I was significantly involved with a man.

Finally, as can be seen between the date  this article is written and the last entry in this blog, it’s been quite a while since I’ve thought about writing.

In any case, I’m here now — writing. So I suppose this should make up for the lost time. After all, my life’s really not that exciting to write in detail for the world to read. =D

So, since I’m already here, let me tell you what I’ve been busy with…

1. I’m glad Conan O’Brien is finally back on tv — again. Finally, I can stop pretending to like the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. The only thing I like in that show is when they sing the news.

2. I’ve been on vacation, seen the Pacific Ocean for the first time and took some pictures. Check out my flickr page in this blog. It’s not much but I just can’t get over what a marvelous world this is (well, most of the time.)

3. I’ve been addicted (together with my husband) to True Blood. I’ve seen the books by Charlaine Harris and restrained myself from buying the book set. All I really need is just another series to keep my mind from my job (teehee!). Still, I think it’s uncannily similar to Twilight except that this time, it’s the girl who can read minds and she can’t read her vampire’s mind. Other than that, the plot’s almost the same. And yet, despite that, I still like this one better. Maybe it’s because of the acting prowess the actors show. Advice to Twilight lead stars: please, for the love of all that’s holy, SHOW SOME FREAKIN’ EMOTIONS. But I have a feeling I’m about to be disappointed again with the New Moon movie. Oh well, at least there’s True Blood.

3. I’ve been busy with work stuff, yuck! I’ve had to get my hands dirty with ballot boxes and ballots which show nothing but that the teachers should not have been allowed to teach and voters should not have been allowed to vote. People really don’t know what they’re doing sometimes.

4. I’ve prepared my course outline for this semester. The first semester for law school begins next week. Here come the headaches and the annoying stupid questions. Why do I do it, you ask. Just for the heck of it. I mean, without that, what would I have to write about? Besides, I like to see law students make fools of themselves. It’s almost a form of vengeance for the times I’ve made a fool of myself back when I was in law school. Maybe I’ve come full circle. Hah!

5.  I’ve started getting in on Facebook’s Farm Town, Yoville and Pet Society. I know, I know! I’m lightyears behind. Still, I like it. After playing Pet Society, I just want to buy my own pet. I’ve Googled dog breeds and decided I’m gonna get me an English Cocker Spaniel — in my dreams, of course! My husband, his family and their house wouldn’t allow it. I swear, the minute I get a place of our own, I’m going to buy a damn dog whether hubby likes it or not! hmp.

6. I’ve been hearing a lot about Twitter. So I checked it out. I registered. And then I returned to Facebook. Twitter’s for the self-absorbed person who thinks the world revolves around every move she makes and every breath she takes.  I don’t think I love myself that much.

Hopefully, I’ll have more time and inspiration to write other helpful articles for this blog. And I hope somebody out there is still reading this crappy blog.

See y’all!

 

Cheating is all in the mind

I’ve always been the kind to stick to one man at a time back when I was single. I’ve known (and still know) guys who dupe their girlfriends/wives by having affairs left and right. While I do not pass judgment upon them, I, of course, do not condone the act. I’ve just come to accept that cheating is part of normal human life, although I’ve promised myself never to commit the same mistake.

Today, however, after reading an article on Shine, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’ve actually been guilty of the very crime I vowed I’d never commit.

As the title of the article itself readily shows, “Ways to let go of an Emotional Love Affair” provides means for overcoming the “addiction.” While there is nothing in the whole article which directly tells you if you’re having an affair with another, there are, nonetheless, helpful hints.

The first tell-tale sign of being emotionally involved with another person is the fact that one incessantly thinks of him/her (hopefully not while driving the car or talking to the boss). Such obsession leads the person from effectively performing daily tasks, e.g., remaining faithful to your actual girl/boyfriend or wife/husband.

If conjuring up images of the besotted one is the only activity which seems to brighten up your day, this is likewise another sign that you’re hung up on another person. Obviously, your “legal” significant other no longer sends up shivers on your spine at this point. According to the article, being in such a state of “affairs” is a way of escaping loneliness.

The entire article is helpful as it understands that quitting an emotional love affair cannot be simply done cold turkey. There are steps to follow for the sick at heart.

Let me just state for the record that I am a happily married person. Spine shivers no longer occur daily at the sight of the husband but I understand that true love isn’t what pocketbooks say it is. But I do remember a time when I may have been significantly involved with one person and yet intellectually pre-occupied with another. Of course, at the time that this emotional attachment with another person occurred, I was still legally single (although, as I have said, significantly involved).

The other person was not one I’d ever consider attractive. His physical attributes surely wouldn’t have led to the improvement of the gene pool – well, at least not on my side. But it was his intellect which appealed to me. After more than enough late night conversations with him, I’d begun to think of him differently.

It lasted for a while, the so-called affair. I wouldn’t be so sure as to call it a love affair. I mean, I wouldn’t have said the  three oft-abused words to his face even if my life depended on it. But there was something there – at least, intellectually.

The entire thing was just all in the mind, shared though it may have been by two persons.  Thankfully, it did not lead us into something we both would have regretted later on. But it did leave a mark, as chicken pox does to one’s skin.